There have been a couple of times where a piece of advice has stopped me dead in my tracks and redirected me towards a greater path. I wanted to share something I was told that has since effected the way that I see budding romantic relationships.
I was standing in the kitchen and my head was spinning. At the time I was sort of maybe “talking” to this guy who took me out on dates that were exciting to say the least. We had unbelievable chemistry and the way we got along when we were together was something that had me very excited about things to come… but something wasn’t right. When we weren’t together, he would disappear for days or weeks at a time- never reaching out or making any kind of effort to let me know of his feelings… I would start to move on and heal and then, out of the blue, like he had some kind of tracking device on my heart, there he was to make me fall for it all over again.
During the times without reassurance, I would grow insecure and restless. My mind would jump to every conclusion about what could possibly be wrong with me- I over-analyzed each little detail and slowly felt myself becoming absorbed by the idea of a relationship with this guy. My emotions were too tied up. I was sacrificing my peace of mind because of my feelings for this person.
During one such time of self doubt, my mom looked over at me from the counter where she was doing the dishes and with unbelievable clarity in her eyes she said “If he’s your king, he needs to act like it.” And she left it there. I didn’t tell her what I was going through and yet, like the Holy Spirit inspired woman she is, she knew just what to say. Immediately I felt clear headed and less emotionally attached to this specific person.
The relationships we choose to put importance on have a huge impact on our path. If we prioritize someone who is not on our level of commitment, we are choosing a path of hurt.
Do not sacrifice your ambition and peace of mind for someone who is not on your level. Something especially tough about dating in your 20’s is that there is typically a huge maturity and commitment gap between people. Some are ready for the next phase of life, some are still getting settled in who they are, and others are stuck on an ex or on playing the whole 20’s dating scene of noncommittal hookups.
The best advice I can give based on my experience is to be patient and wait to commit your heart to someone until you know they are on your level… That person who doesn’t need to be convinced to love you- that person you don’t need to convince yourself to love.
In his beautiful work Love and Responsibility, Saint John Paul the Great speaks to the idea of “Sui Juris” a phrase meaning that man is his own master. No one can want for someone else. No matter how much we may want something, it does not mean someone else will want it too. As a human person, it takes an act of free will to choose anything. Trust me, you WANT someone who freely chooses you. This is the route that leads to security and freedom in a relationship. Wait for your king babygirl. You’ll know who he is when he treats you like a queen.
Above all of this, strive to find peace and joy in being single. Our lives are unpredictable and we never know what is around the next corner. Embrace the freedom of being single and use this time to connect with the people around you in a deep way. Every season of life has blessings and lessons attached to it- don’t be in a rush to skip to the next stage… you may just miss some of those blessings that were meant for you all along.
The person you are deserves to be loved unreservedly. Find this love in God and then be open to finding someone who will strive to love you as God does.
God loves you so much and so do I
1 Corinthians 13